3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
