i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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