And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am midnight drunk by noon
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
