So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
