I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize