I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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