he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
