so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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