i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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