last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
