wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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