I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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