Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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