My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
