Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
