Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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