I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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