I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?