Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
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Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.