Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself