Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
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tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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