There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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