i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
