my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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