this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize