So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
