This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
