We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
