I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
