No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
