I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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