so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What a dumb baby whore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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