Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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