No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The struggles of a small town man whore
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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