Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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