What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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