if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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