Who wears a wallet chain?!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i out mim tonsoeep
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize