I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
