i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
