On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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