Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Mom said you looked used
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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