she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
