In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
