Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
