Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
