How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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