no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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