If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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