she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
