I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
