it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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