dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
