i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize