hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
