Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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