i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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