i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
