So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?