Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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