Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.