threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
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He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages