it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.