Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
dude. I can hear the air.
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