I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
