Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
