I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My vagina just recognized that song.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
