I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
