Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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