I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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