So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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