a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
