I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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