I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
