I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
