can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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